And you think you have problems. Think again and think about Twink.
Nobody has problems like our Twink.
Let me introduce you to Twink. To her friends she’s Adele but to us mere mortals she’s Twink, the self-proclaimed Queen of Panto.
Twink is so loud, so brash and so in your face. She’s the antithesis of what you’d expect from any normal person. You either like her or you don’t . Ok, I have to declare an interest here, I’m not a fan. I find her obnoxious.
Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’ll continue.
Class and Twink and not compatible bedfellows. She’s a tough nut, is our Twink. You wouldn’t want to mess with Twink.
Poor auld Twink is in bother. It hasn’t been a good weekend for her.
While the rest of us we out enjoying the glorious autumnal weather, Twink was left ‘heartbroken’ and traumatized.
Those of us who watch Twink from a far know she’s an expert in ‘heartbreak’ and ‘trauma’. And you can’t argue that she does both really well.
Twink has lost something very precious and it’s breaking her heart.
Cynics might even suggest that Twink is spending more time in the ‘Lost and Found’ department nowadays than on the stage.
What, you may ask, has put such a damper on Twink’s weekend?
Surely, she hasn’t lost her husband. Oops! Better not go there with the ‘Zip Up Your Mickey’ and all that went with that imfamous phone message.
She can’t have lost her house.
Oops! don’t be a smart ass.
How about someone coming up with a plot to kidnap her beloved dog Teddy?
Oops that could never happen now could it?
How about her laptop?
Oh no she didn’t…..Oh yes she did.
But this was no ordinary laptop.
No, no this laptop and, wait for it, its Louis Vuitton cover, was given to Twink to celebrate her 50th birthday which — there’s no nice way to put this — wasn’t today or yesterday.
Indeed, it can be argued with some certainty, that technology has moved on quiet a bit since Twink blew out those 50 candles at the back-end of the 20th century. Meow!!
Twink’s laptop was ‘lost’ in the back of a taxi and she went on the airwaves to tell the world that the loss of the laptop had hit extra hard as it contained the draft of her first book.
If anything good comes out of this at least we’ve been spared a book from Twink.
So when the Bank Manager next drops you a letter about your financial affairs, think of Twink.
You think you have problems, you’re not in Twink’s league.
She’s in a league of her own.